So...with 2012 officially underway, I'll make a sad attempt at my own personal "top list" for 2011...just for shizz and giggz. Albums of the Year: 3. The Dangerous Summer - War Paint I came across this album when it was first released because of the amazingly high praise it was getting on a number of indie music sites. I'm usually pretty stubborn as I don't really give many bands I'm not really familiar with a chance...but this album reminded me why I love music and the sense of connection it gives me. I've always been a complete sucker for honest lyrics, distinct vocals, and catchy riffs & beats...which is why I can't stop listening to the gems from this album every single day. Songs like "Miscommunication" and "I Should Leave Right Now" will forever be embedded in me. 2. Childish Gambino - CAMP/EP I am inspired by Donald Glover. So are millions of others...and it's not difficult to see why. The dude is extremely talented...he writes, acts, produces, performs...but he's actually very good at everything he does. His honest approach to hip hop music is sprinkled with a mix of confidence, attitude, insecurity, humour...and finally, substance. Yes, it's no secret he is pretty redundant with his lyrics and themes...but I can't help but admire his style and obvious influences. And I don't know...I guess I'll always have a thing for the conflicted person who pushes him/herself to be good at everything...especially art. 1. Lydia - Paint It Golden Yes...I've praised this album nonstop. No...it's not critically acclaimed like "Illuminate" was. But dang homie...this entire album spoke to me like no other album has in a while. It takes a lot for me to listen to an album without skipping a track...nonstop. I've listened to this album hundreds of time since it's release last summer...and I'll always struggle with explaining why without seeming like the biggest, blindest Lydia fan ever. But I guess now's the time I try: "Paint It Golden" pulls me in and has the ability to make me feel like I'm at two places at once. It reminds me that yes, sadness is inevitable...but the realization that it doesn't have to last...is vital .With every listen...it simply brings me to my happy place, as lame as that sounds. A place where palm trees and ocean fronts are the norm...and love dominates all. But most importantly...this album manages to do all this in the most non-cheeseballiest way possible...which the artist in me appreciates tenfold. It will forever be one my favourites of not only 2011...but of all effing time. Movies of the Year: 3. X-Men: First Class I was a pretty big Marvel fan when I was younger...so I'm pretty snobby when it comes to Marvel films these days. My reason is simple...there were way too many of them that masked the true magic of the characters and storylines with huge production and bad acting. This film proved to me that with the right people behind the scenes as well as on screen, a Marvel film can still stay true to it's roots AND be a genuinely good movie as well. 2. Source Code Although the general concept behind this movie has been done to death...I was fond of this particular rendition of it. It's so easy to do the whole "fate/destiny/science fiction" thing and turn it into a geeky cheeseball crapfest...but yeah, this movie did it right...and I'll applaud everyone involved for it. If i were to criticize something, it would be that the Russell Peters character was a bit lacking...but whatevz. 1. 50/50 This has to be said: Joseph Gordon-Levitt has quickly become one of my fave actors. It was "500 Days Of Summer" that did it for me...as that particular movie brought itself to the top of my all-time fave list (along with "Good Will Hunting" and "Chasing Amy" just to name a few haha). Anyway...back to the topic at hand...I can't really relate to the plot of "50/50", but wow, it still felt close to home. I think the biggest reason why I enjoyed this movie was because behind all the humour and one-liners, the message still managed to get across with so much heart...which again, is extremely difficult to do on such a touchy subject. There are quite a few who were offended by how the movie portrayed victims of cancer...but to deny that this movie had heart on the situation baffles me. I've spent a lot of time with the above list...so I'll take a little break for now haha. Stay tuned for more!

I've always been a firm believer in "free will". My sincere apologies for forgetting that. Please forgive me...I just hate these times where doubt rears it's ugly head... I don't want to go back to that "place"...but I guess that's just me.

If there ever comes a time where I take credit for doing things I am nowhere capable of doing in order to advance professionally, personally or in any other way shape or form...I hereby give anyone who reads this permission to punch me in the face as hard as they can.

I hate getting caught up with all the politics and nonsense behind every A vs. B...but sometimes I can't help it. I guess that's one of the main problems with being a passionate individual...especially with constant access to the world wide web. So for the record...I dislike Apple product propaganda, Flash will never die, and COD will fall from it's throne like a ton of bricks. End of rant.

I've been back into my video game phase recently...playing a lot of Battlefield 3. It really is a breath of fresh air and has fully fed my competitive needs tenfold... For all those that know me...I've been a pretty avid COD fan for years...but alas, the countless sleepless nights of playing has finally made me lose interest in the series and has opened my eyes to something "different". Well, there's that...and my feelings toward Activision in general that have made me steer away from supporting the franchise any longer... I've been pretty vocal towards my feelings and have commented on a few controversial articles...but yeah, it's cool to know that there are others that understand the sad state that the COD series is now in. In other more important news...I'm going to continue working on my site soon. As explained earlier...I just needed a break from it to recharge, I guess. So stay tuned for more on that... Also, it was my 27th birthday last week...so happy belated to me. It's strange how I feel so old yet so young at the same time... Well, till next time...smell ya later. Oh wait...Childish Gambino's new album is really good. But that goes without saying...

It takes a lot for me to have an entire album on constant repeat for weeks...but yeah, I cannot speak any higher about Lydia's latest album, "Paint It Golden". Everytime I hear Leighton's distinct voice lay down lines like "I've got to get back...back to the West Coast", or "I'm going back to those palm trees", it sends me to my happy place... That is all.

So after many sleepless nights over the past month...I got my domain back. Long story short...register.com almost effed me over as my domain expired and suspended it without me knowing...but alas, everything worked out for the better...as I am now paying half of what I used to. So yeah, smell ya later register.com. Anywho, a lot has been happening since my last update... First thing's first...after years on hiatus and talking nonsense about designing something "good"...I have finally started the first stage of actual working progress. The process has been really refreshing...and it really is a huge relief knowing that I'm still capable of doing something like this after all these years of sitting back and playing it safe...well, in the design world at least. With all this being said...I don't really have a time-frame of when it will be complete. It was pretty intense working on it practically non-stop for around a week (sometimes until 6 in the morning). I haven't been passionate about creating things like this in a while...it's a feeling I have sincerely missed. But yeah, it's pretty difficult to sustain this feeling. So I've sort of hit a "checkpoint" in the process where I have to take a break from it all. Without me giving too much away (as I'm pretty big on the "unveiling" process), the scale of this piece, project, or whatever it should be labelled...is definitely the grandest of anything I have ever done...tenfold. For example, I re-collect it taking me six hours to crop just one of the objects that I needed in Photoshop. One object. Six hours. The last time I checked, the PSD is around 900 megabytes...and what's gross is I'm not even halfway done working on it. These are the types of challenges I'm putting myself through for this thing...and I can't even begin to imagine how I'm going to make it all work in Flash. I'm pretty sure it's going to mess me up for good. Well, that's my update. I have a lot more to say...as always...but I'll save that for another time. Thanks for reading.

"I'm going back to those palm trees" It's no secret that I miss California...very much so. But yeah, I would just like to say that the newest Lydia music video/song makes me miss it THAT much more...they did a really wonderful job: As for my own work? Let's just say I'll try and fit the West Coast somewhere into my "big project" somehow......

The last week or so...I've slowly gotten myself back into designing things non work-related...which is a pretty big deal for me. It's one of the biggest obstacles to overcome since it's pretty difficult to find any "free time" after work...especially time to be on the computer...but I guess that goes without saying. I haven't really done much since earlier on this past summer when I showed off that basic Flash interface I worked on for a couple of days...but it wasn't time wasted. Soon...I'll be able to put it all to use. For now, I'm putting some of it to use here at MLSE, as I'm finally working on a big project that will allow me to practice working on my Flash and interface design potential... The last time I had a challenge this tough was the 09-10 Raptors Dance Pak page, so yeah it's been a while. What makes these types of projects tough is what goes on behind the scenes. If the only thing I was responsible for were these types of projects...then everything would be wonderful. But again, I'm not. I have a ton of other "little things" I have to complete that pop up every day which keeps me from focusing on the one said project... This forces me to have to make a choice to work extended hours to keep up with a tight deadline and a higher quality of work. Sure, it's not fair...but whatevz. I do these things for myself more than anything...I will never be the type to take the easy way out when there is an opportunity given to showcase what I'm capable of. That's right...I'm talking about you Mayweather.

Last week, I had to do a speech in front of all my fellow employees at MLSE to present the new "Rookie of the Year". I'm no public speaking expert or anything...but everyone seemed to have sincerely enjoyed it...and I'm glad they did, because I tried to make it something worthwhile, personal and heartfelt...as opposed to just saying a bunch of pre-written words I didn't really believe in. But yeah, anywho...although I wasn't that nervous, I'm glad it's over. Again, with summer being over...it's now time to focus more on "work" (this site) and less on "play" (golf, video games, etc.) I've decided to use my brother's camera (which isn't anything crazy if you're wondering) to finally start on the photography process for this site. Even though I've put this project on the backburner for years...I can confidently say I'm on the cusp of starting the biggest creative endeavour I've ever done...and I'm very excited to finally start working on it. And...yeah, I mean that.

Just like that...summer has flown by once again. T'was a summer of good things. Lots of relaxation and fun times shared with the people I love...and that's the best I can ask for, really. I'll look forward to more of the same for next summer...and maybe even a getaway vacation or two. Since golf season and days of warmth are coming to a close...I'll have plenty of time to start working on all the ideas that have been flowing in my head for the past who knows how long. In other related news, I have come across a collection computer files from over a decade ago...which include some of my earliest "design" work from my Asian Avenue days...and wowzers, is it ever amusing. I'll post some of them in the next couple of days...y'know, for shizzles and giggles. Until then, smell ya later.

"I'm someone they admire...Set the game ablaze, I'm an arcade fire." Every now and then...I come across someone or something that ends up feeding my competitive drive to do the artistic things I should be doing more often. So rest assured, when I finally make some real progress in designing my website this fall...I'll give a lot of credit to Childish Gambino.

The biggest challenge I'll ever have to overcome is keeping up with myself. I have big dreams that only seem to grow with each passing minute and get motivated by something completely new every single day. On top of that...I'm hyper-competitive. I have to try and be the best at anything I choose to do. It's sickening...and it started early. At the age of 14, I screamed at the top of my lungs and whipped my Super Nintendo controller against the wall every single time I lost to Bowser on super hard in Tetris Attack. These days...I get pretty angry when I'm not at the top of the leaderboards in Call of Duty...on both xbox or ps3. A couple of weeks ago...I kicked my golf bag and whipped my lob wedge on to the grass after I shot a 7 over on the last hole...which cost me the game to my friends by 2 strokes. Last week, I went 0-3 at my weekly softball game...leaving numerous runners on base (including me hitting into a game-losing double play). I've lost a lot of money playing cards. I went 3 years without a single winning cash game session. The poker player in me was crushed...I had to retire from the game. This is all just the tip of the iceberg...I've left out countless other occasions where I've put my all into something only to come up short. So...why am I sharing all this negative information? Well... I ended up beating Bowser...a lot. I'm not the best COD player in the world...but I hold my own and end up with top scores quite often (without overpowered killstreaks by the way). Although I'm not the most consistent golfer, after 3 years of playing at least once a week during the golf season...I'm slowly getting there. Scorecards don't tell the entire story...and being able to drive an average of 270 yards always makes me feel better about myself. I hit up the cages the other day...and although I didn't make up for last week's debacle, I hit the ball more to my potential during last night's game. And my cardplaying days? Let's just say I play once in a while...and when I do, the random people on the table I sit down with don't enjoy it very much...haha. Don't get my wrong, I'm not saying any of this to brag about my so-called "skills". I'm saying all this because I need to re-assure myself that I'll overcome this latest slump...the challenge of me not being able to get myself to design anything. But again, if history repeats itself...eventually, I will... I don't know, timing is everything I guess.

I've been content with being "conflicted" for a while now. I don't really know why, when, or where it all started for me...but I've been pretty much accustomed to it. This recurring theme isn't by choice either...believe me, it's pretty exhausting going day in and day out thinking about every single thing, big or small...why you love it, and why you hate it. For example, I hate being hyper-competitive...but I know that if I wasn't, I wouldn't care to fall in love with doing half the things I love to do. I guess that's why when I hear anyone put down or make fun of anything that requires even a little bit of skill and dedication...I can't help but feel angry. For example, if I came across someone at a skate park who has spent 20+ years of their life skateboarding, but has never really made it as a professional...I would never in any way shape or form judge them. I would only wish I had that kind of passion for something...instead of saying something snarky and stupid like, "I guess he dropped out of school..." I say this, because it baffles me when people ridicule others based on what they love to do...and it gets under my skin because I come across this type of stuff a lot. Yeah, I don't know...I guess that's about it. Sorry for the angry update...it just needed to be said, that's all.

Good news everybody... I was sitting on the train on my way to work singing along with the depressing tunes on my ipod (well, in my head) when out of nowhere, an image popped into my head... And just like that, I finally have a design for this silly site for me to work on. I always find it funny how these things come out of nowhere...my brain is quite the character. Anyway, if you're wondering...yes, it involves me. And yes, it will be a recurring theme based on conflict...but what else is new, right? I'll start mocking it up as soon as I get a decent camera to borrow...yeah, I'm still on that. Man, this is going to be scary...I have set some awfully high standards for this...

So...if I were to blame any lack of design progress on something...it would be that I'm 99% sure I'm the only professional graphic designer who does not own a digital camera. It's pretty lame...especially when I consider myself a photo-based designer. Oh, the irony! In other related news...I feel the need to apologize for my boring updates, I know that my thoughts on art and design aren't the most exciting things to blog about...but that's the idea I guess. I know that this site was a lot more interesting when I would blog about my life...but there's not really much to complain about when you're content and happy with everything...except for design haha. With that being said, why must it be so difficult to "be creative" when you're not depressed? Well, for me anyway...I find it a huge challenge. There's the issue of being cheese-balls, fake, etc...there are just so many obstacles I make up in my head that 99% of the population don't really care about. Man...these lofty expecations make my heart hurt. In the mean time, I guess I should get a camera...

Every creative individual has their creative influences, that's a given. What some creative people don't like admitting to, however, are the people they look up to when it comes to art and design. One of the biggest challenges, for me at least, has to be maintaining originality while embracing the fact that I am obviously inspired by other creative people. I've always looked up to a number of well-known companies in the design industry...although I don't really go out of my way to check out their work (or any design work for that matter) as often as I should. Back in my early days...I looked up to the guys at 2Advanced. If you're familiar with them...they are widely praised for being the early pioneers of cutting-edge flash work...and continue to be one of the main leaders in the web design world today. As the years went by...I became a big fan of the Red Interactive Agency. As a matter of fact...if I were to compare my overall design style today, I'd say I'm a poor man's Red Interactive (haha). Although they're not as "flashy" as companies like 2advanced...I give them credit for being more "mature", while maintaining a sense of style that has landed them many big clients (ie. UFC). There are countless other agencies that do some really cool stuff...but for me, those two have always stood out to me. But when it comes down to a single clear-cut creative individual who I've looked up to the most...it would have to be a dude named Jason Oda at Starving Eyes. Chances are, you're familiar with his work...he created the cult classic Emo Games. When it comes to pure creativity, originality, style, execution, and an extreme sense of detail...whether it be in his flash programming and web design or cd jacket designs, he's always been a cut above the rest...especially since he does it all by himself (as opposed to a team). He's a rare breed indeed. So...there you have it. These are the people I've always looked up to in the design world...so don't ever say I never admitted to looking up to people that do things better than I do.

I will forever be in a conflicting personal battle with the "design industry". For one, it's hard not to seem like the most stuck up critical jerk (to other people...at least) when all you seem to think to yourself every single time you see anything creative is, "I wonder what I would've done instead?" It's tough having this set mentality, because it gives me false hope in thinking that being "creative" is some sort of a competition...when it's not since it's pretty much stupid to compare two creative talents with each other...it all comes down to personal preference. So why do I bother? If I had to give an answer, it would be that it's what all artists have to be content with...knowing that in the end, all that matters is that irreplacable feeling of creating something original. And if anyone decides to be a "fan" of your work...it's all just a bonus. The internal conflict magnifies since I am technically a graphic designer...so I'm not supposed to have this "artist's mentality", I have to be cut-throat...and I have to be content with knowing my role and having to put the artist in me aside to "sell out" and create something to satisfy the masses. Maybe this is why I don't really know what to classify myself as. What's worse is it seems that every single idea has been done, and there will always be eyes judging my execution the same way I criticize everyone else's work. I guess this is what saddens me the most...no matter how hard I try and how much I think I know....I will never be the best at whatever I am doing. I will forever hate knowing that no matter what I decide to create, and no matter how much I am proud of what I have done in the past and in the future...it has all been done, and done much better. I hope this made at least some sort of sense...

I fell in love with creating things in Flash a number of years ago...and will always defend it's rightful place in the web design world unless HTML 5 and/or CSS 3 fully take over and the folks at Adobe decide to stop supporting it (which I highly doubt will happen and am totally against since Flash handles many things that HTML and CSS simply can't at this moment in time...but whatever, that's just my low opinion). Flash is the toughest program I have ever dealt with and the learning curve is huge...so it's safe to say that it has really stretched my problem solving skill threshold more than anything I have ever come across. I always get this lame feeling of self-reward along with an illusion that I am smarter than I really am whenever I use it...which is pretty funny to me. With that being said, I'm not that smart, and I'm definitely not a coder by any means...you will never hear me claim to be some sort of Flash expert (or an expert at designing anything for that matter), but I will always feel the need to give myself credit for at least attempting to understand how and why things work and challenge myself to learn and execute things based on that understanding...which I feel is what most people usually shy away from. So anywho, with my latest experiment...I made myself learn how to animate entirely with code, as opposed to using Flash's timeline. If you're interested in checking it out, click here to launch it. For all you nerds out there...this little interface (which took me days to create by the way) uses the ever-so-popular Tweener transitions for the animation, a number of custom functions for making the links work seamlessly, and finally uses external movie clips to allow for a quick load time with multiple preloaders (which I personally think looks pretty cool when executed properly). Also, every flash file contains only one keyframe...which was a big challenge as well. Wow, that was quite a lot of geek talk. Ok sure, it might not seem much...especially if you specialize in Flash and code for a living, but this is quite an accomplishment for me...so whatevz, I'm happy.

In this most recent "designing for myself again" phase of my life...I've decided to try things a little different and attempt to document everything I do (for mostly selfish reasons of course) and hopefully get something I can be proud of up on here ASAP. I guess there are a couple of reasons why this sort of project has taken so long for me to do... The first is coming to the sad conclusion that although I am fortunate enough to be doing something I love to do for a living...it conflicts me. It becomes both a blessing and a curse...especially when a big factor like money is involved. And secondly, it's pretty tough to stay motivated with any said passion when you're forced to do it day in and day out...the one thing that used to excite you becomes a stale "job". On a brighter note, here's a quick update for anyone who's wondering: other than the extensive hours I have spent learning how to do some new things in Flash...I haven't really started designing anything in particular, but I'm confident that I will think of something cool soon. So I guess what this means is that everyone has the opportunity to see how sick and twisted my mind can get as I attempt to try and put the most critical eye to rest... And finally...if you have any spare time, feel free to pray that I actually finish what I start for once. Thank you.